Monday, February 2, 2015
Good morning,
Everybody complains about incompetent bosses or dysfunctional co-workers, but what about irritating direct reports? What should you do if the person you manage drives you crazy? If the behavior is a performance issue, there’s a straightforward way to address what’s irking you — but what do you do when it’s an interpersonal issue? Is it possible to be a fair boss to someone you’d avoid eating lunch with — or must you learn to like every member of your team?
Don’t assume it’s a bad thing
The employees you gravitate toward are probably the ones who act nice, don’t deliver bad news, and flatter you. But it’s often those who provoke or challenge you that prompt new insights and help propel the group to success. You need people who have different points of view and aren’t afraid to argue. They are the kind of people who stop the organization from doing stupid things.
Focus on you
Still, the days can feel very long when you’re constantly dealing with someone you don’t like. It’s crucial to learn how to handle your frustration. Rather than thinking about how irritating the person is, focus on why you are reacting the way you are. They didn’t create the button they’re just pushing it. Ask yourself the following questions:
- Is the problem the individual or someone they remind me of? You can have a competent person who looks like your unkind aunt and suddenly she can do no right.
- Am I afraid of being like this person? If your direct report constantly interrupts people, for example, and you worry you do too, you may react more strongly.
- Are they a member of a group that I have issues with? This question gets into a whole host of prejudices and possible legal issues, but you need to be honest with yourself about any hidden biases you may have.
Try to unpack what this person represents to you. Once you’ve pinpointed the triggers that might be complicating your feelings, you may be able to soften or alter your reaction. Remember: it’s far easier to change your perspective than to ask someone to be a different kind of person.
Put on a good face
Everyone wants their boss to like them. Whatever your feelings for your employee, he will be highly attuned to your attitude and will presume that any disapproval or distaste has to do with his performance. The onus is on you to remain fair, impartial, and composed.
Seek out the positive
No one is 100% annoying (well almost no one!). Yet it’s easy to see the best in your favorites and the worst in people who bother you. Search for what you like about the person. Given their talents and their limits, what can they do that would be best for the team?
Keep your bias out of reviews
When someone irks you, you need to be especially vigilant about keeping your bias out of the evaluation and compensation process.
Spend more time together
This might sound like the last thing you want to hear, but it might help to give yourself more exposure to the problem employee. Sometimes strong medicine is the most effective cure. Remember to keep an open mind. Your favorite employee today might become your least favorite tomorrow. The people you like may become untrustworthy tomorrow.
Principles to Remember
Do:
- Be honest with yourself — pinpoint the triggers that might be complicating your feelings
- Check your bias in evaluating the employee’s performance by getting an outsider’s opinion
- Keep an open mind — your perspective may change
Don’t:- Assume that disliking someone is a bad thing — differing points of view are critical to a team’s success
- Let your distaste show — everyone wants their boss to like them
- Avoid working with the person — collaborating together on a difficult task may positively alter your relationship.
The world won’t always be as we want it, so just do the right thing and take the high road. Then, you can’t go wrong.