Some women have really got it going on.
Their approach to life and work seems effortless, their blithe demeanor belies their deep wisdom—and when faced with adversity, they’re unflappable. Beyond their class and clout, they’ve got a core that’s rock solid.
So, what’s her secret? None actually—she’s just unapologetically herself.
But here are a few things she does exceptionally well:
She’s in competition with no one. The ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu nailed it 2,500 years ago, writing (according to Stephen Mitchell’s modern translation), “Because she competes with no one, no one can compete with her”. A highly evolved woman may be competitive, but only with herself.
She uses pain to motivate herself. Barbara Corcoran, the Shark Tank investor and founder of The Corcoran Group, shared how a painful breakup and the parting words of her ex (“You’ll never make it without me!” he spluttered) gave her the grit she needed in the early days of forging her career. She went on to create a successful real estate company worth hundreds of millions—and she did it by turning her despair into drive.
Pain is inevitable—for everyone. Suffering, as they say, is entirely optional. In the case of highly evolved women, adversity appears to drive rather than paralyze them.
She’s got “compartmentalizing” down to an art form. Or to use the term favored by behavioral economists, she does “mental accounting.” “We humans put things, people, tasks, money into mental accounts that we can deal with,” says Iris Bohnet, a professor at the Kennedy School of Government at Harvard University and author of What Works. “Most women have a lot to juggle—different roles, demands on their time, responsibilities, societal norms—and can only succeed if they are able to compartmentalize accordingly.”
It’s simple to do but it’s not easy.
Effective compartmentalizing or “mental accounting” is also key to productivity.
Humility is second nature to her. Interestingly, all the women I quote in this piece scoffed at the idea that they may be highly evolved women themselves (although they really are.) They regard themselves as work in progress. It would appear that humility is another common trait they share.
As Dr. Lauren views it, “Highly evolved women recognize that they are a necessary piece of the big picture—not the big picture itself.” She says humility “allows them to understand the importance of connection, community, and encouraging other women.” (Going back to point #4.) “They have made the shift from self-centered to others-centered, recognizing that there is something bigger and better than themselves.”
And of course, with humility comes a deep desire to continue learning, which enables them to evolve.
Above all, she’s authentic. A highly evolved woman constantly aligns her inner and outer self, and musters the courage to wear her heart on her sleeve, speak her mind and harmonize her actions with both.
In a world that at times seems overrun by fake news and by fake people who manage to dupe both themselves and others, it’s refreshing to encounter the kind of person who is the real deal—true to herself and the people around her.
Being super evolved doesn’t require you to rigidly follow an unforgiving mental regime. Nor should you feel compelled to start gulping down kale smoothies, sign up for an Ashtanga yoga class or constantly emit a saccharine-sweet positive vibe.
It begins, in fact, with just being yourself: being the you that lies beyond whatever or whoever came along and messed you up, the you that exists over the limits you placed on yourself because of insecurities and fears. It’s in that space that you start to evolve.
And if you strive for it, it will be the best thing you could ever do for yourself—and the world.