What to Say When a Conversation Heats Up

When a conversation turns negative, it’s helpful to have a repertoire of replies at your fingertips. Consider these options:

• Reframe. Cast the issue in a different light. If someone says, “I don’t want to fight about this,” a useful reframe is, “This is a debate, certainly not a fight.”
• Rephrase. Rather than letting offensive words pass, suggest replacements. If someone accuses you of coming on too strongly in a meeting, you might reply, “I was passionate.” If you’re described as stubborn, you could say, “I’m very determined when something is important to a successful effort.”
• Revisit. If you’ve had positive interactions with the person in the past, remind them of their ability to find common ground: “We have a good track record of working together. No reason to change that now.”
• Restate. Give people a chance to reconsider and alter what was said: “Surely there’s another way to say that.”